2nd January 2010
Link reblogged from i am the problem. with 5 notes
So, read that
And this, if you want.
Women and men are different. Biological sex is real, gender is not imaginary. I know this concept is wildly offensive to some feminists, queers, genderfuckers, trans people, and lots of other folks, but if we’re going to be progressive, let’s look at reality and be fucking honest. Women and men are different because people are different and are socialized differently, and transgendered people wouldn’t exist if gender didn’t mean anything. Gender is not black and white, but the continuum exists. If women are going to expect certain behavior from men, it’s reasonable for men to expect certain behavior from women, so it’s either sexist of both sexes or neither sexes.
It took me a while to grasp, but I am aware of my preference for women. It goes way beyond sexual orientation, even though I am a dyke and have always been a dyke, even when I was previously unaware of my dykeness. Some of the reasons I prefer women are intrinsic and unchangeable, and some are because of the ways women are socialized. I am sexually attracted to female bodies (even when they are slightly androgynous, and I fucking <3 vagina), emotionally attracted to sensitive, caring, strong personalities, intellectually attracted to articulate, emotionally intelligent, socially and politically aware minds, and spiritually attracted to a quiet, open spirit. I’m not attracted to male bodies (how they look, smell, move, function, et cetera), most male social behavior, and general masculinity. It just doesn’t do it for me, and most of the time, it really, really grosses me out.
So, what about traditional femininity as it relates to physical appearance, and the beauty dilemma in feminism? GEE I AM GLAD YOU ASKED.
I’m a lesbian feminist working to become a hairdresser and makeup artist. That shit is hard to reconcile sometimes. On one hand, I absolutely embrace arranging my hair and coloring my face in ways that please me, and helping others to do the same. It’s good to help a woman look and feel gorgeous, particularly if it’s for her own pleasure. But on the other fucking hand, women shouldn’t need to paint their faces and spend hundreds of hours and dollars on their hair to be considered attractive and worthwhile, and they shouldn’t have to live up to the ridiculous standards of beauty set by a disillusioned patriarchal society blah blah blah, et cetera et cetera et cetera. I think my personal sexist and heterophobic outlook rears its head here, too, because it really bothers me when a woman won’t get the haircut she really wants because her boyfriend or husband wants her to have long, flowing, Disney princess locks, but I think it’s adorable and really sexy when a lesbian dresses up for her girlfriend or partner or wife or romantic prospect.
Skipping ahead in this tangent, it really pisses me off when feminists claim that women who wear makeup are traitors to the entire sisterhood.
I think I’m finished for now. I will probably say more when there are fewer than 35 screaming children in the swimming pool I am in charge of.
i think about this too, specifically the different standards for men and women. if i am offended or glad about an encounter at work i mull it over (probably for longer than i should, but i take things too personally so ohhhhh well) and part of this process involves me imagining if the person had been the opposite sex, how i would have taken their behavior then. and then i think long and hard about it.
still, objectively, men are disgusting. clean their bathroom one time and you will agree. i feel i never have a right to say anything against men because i am a lesbian, but they are significantly more entitled than women. and i mean that, they are socialized to behave in the way they do by men and women and hierarchies and social structures and everything else. and i don’t necessarily blame anyone for performing well and as they were instructed to, especially when so many people don’t share my values. i’m well aware of all this, my conclusions are not a straight line from the event that caused some sort of emotion in me, but i still don’t like it. and try to take it in stride.
on a related note, it bothers me too when women are so well adjusted to all this too. i guess i just don’t want anything to harm a person. a man or woman can be kind and nurturing. a man or woman can be strong and patient. i don’t like how some people seem to use feminism and things like that as just another system to try to get the upper hand or justify how they treat a person.
i hope this makes sense, i am going to brush my teeth and go to bed now like i should have done an hour ago.